Me: Because you guys put on all your winter clothes, climbed into the pedestal sink in the bathroom, ran a humongous bubble bath, and danced a jig in it, sending a flood of soapy water, Bobby Brady-style, flowing down the stairs and through the bathroom ceiling, filling our kitchen light fixture with water and effectively leaving us without electricity in the kitchen for days.
Okay, folks, I'm taking a leap here and thinking there might just be one of you left out there. I was always coming back, I swear. I've just really had some things on my mind and needed a little space...it's not you, babe.
I was in rehab. There, I said it.
It's not that I'm not a fairly transparent person in most respects, it's just that, well, how do you go from "Redneck Pedicure" to "I'm an alcoholic and I was abstinent for 16 of the last 17 years and a week after I took that video I took a drink and couldn't stop.
Could. N't. Stop.
So I went to Hazelden. Wonderful place. Spectacular staff. Beautiful Minnesota setting, if I do say so myself.
I'd recommend it to any (other) mental defectives. I'm also writing about it. At the Hazelden Alumni site. Yes, I graduated. With honors. (<--That's a little alcoholic humor.) Fortunately, for me at least, I can also share it with you. Because every story contains experience, strenth, and hope. So you can bet your sweet ass I'm going to share mine. Over here. Can you see that okay?
Maybe someday the twain shall meet.
And hey, feel free to leave me comments, okay? Here, too.
Because neediness is the cornerstone of an alcoholic mind.